Inspiration

Did you see this last year? I was shown it at a Christmas day service and loved it.
http://youtu.be/GkHNNPM7pJA

It uses all the latest digital and communication media of today’s world to tell the story of Jesus’ birth. Maybe you can share it this year? What is your favourite version?

This is an excellent Youtube clip sent to me by Fiona Castle of an interview by Nicky Gumbell of a great guy called Shane Taylor. He tells us, in his own words, of his story, through years of drugs and violence to his conversion in prison.
It is great to be reminded of how God can work through all kinds of situations and transform lives through the work of the Holy Spirit and those who are faithful and reach out to others.
Do you have a conversion story you can share to inspire others?

Just to say Thank you for a fantastic weekend and all your hard work, we are now looking forward to holding our own local conference in Thame, Oxon in the autumn. I hope you all get a well earned rest and feel very blessed this week.

For many couples the idea of celebrating difference is an alien concept. Most individuals seem to think that they should be able to change their partner into the person they want them to be and get disillusioned if they can’t. Sound familiar?

So why is is so important to celebrate difference? Because if we don’t, we can make a difficult situation even worse. By acknowledging differences individuals can enjoy what comes easily and naturally in a relationship whilst being conscious to accept the more challenging aspects of their partner. (I’m not talking about any form of abuse here. That is an entirley different kettle of fish. Whether, emotional, social, financial or physical, abuse is not acceptable. Instead can I urge you to seek professional advice from a centre such as Relate. It is vital informed and ethical advise is sought in order to minimise any further abuse)

So how might you learn to adapt to those annoying habits or unmet expectations in your relationship?

One way is to seperate the problem from the person. Sometimes we get muddled up with the person being the problem as opposed to the problem being the problem. I regularly encourage my clients to seperate and even name the difference in order to detatch it from their partner. This then frees them to love and accept their partner whilst working on the problem or difference together. A united front presents itself as the couple work together against a common enemy instead of each other. And with God working as part of the equation, anything is possible.

So why not become more like an alien, acknowledge and externalise your differences and then work on managing them together. I’d love to hear how you get on!

Ask Alison

Why is it that so many couples have problems with arguments? You simply wouldn’t believe how many couples I have counselled that don’t know how to have a good argument!

Based on my experiences, these are some of the reasons why arguing doesn’t work:

they insist on being right
they want to get their own way
they are oblivious to the meaning of what their partner is really saying
they bring up past grievances at every opportunity
they don’t say what they want, rather they beat about the bush
they play tit for tat
they certainly don’t listen
they refuse to forgive

Does any of the above sound familiar? Well if it does here are some good rules for rows which are used at many couples counselling centres:

1. Choose the best time and place
2. Stick to the real issues( Don’t argue about the cleaning if the real issue is sex)
3. No one runs away, leaves before it is finished
4. No one uses ‘tears’ or the silent treatment.
5. Physical violence is out
6. Avoid hitting below the belt: personal attacks, dragging up past offenses, name calling etc
7. No manipulation by emotional blackmail or withdrawing sex to punish
8. Aim to build bridges and find a way through together
9. Avoid looking for a winner and loser
10. Admit mistakes and start looking for a positive solution

No relationship is perfect and rows are inevitable. If you can use them as a means to grow together rather than apart then your relationship is much more likely to succeed and flourish. After all, no ne wants a bad relationship do they? Why not start to work on making your rows work for both of you instead of tearing you apart?