Inspiration

Hi

we are planning a chocolate evening in September and wondering if anyone else has held a similar evening and what went well?
Thanks

At Activate we encouraged you to pray and vote and on May 6th the country voted, leaving the result open and ‘hung’. The following two weeks were the most exciting political time that I can remember, with the media following the twists and turns in such detail that even my children became enthralled and were texting me from school to ask the latest!
Now we have something new- a Conservative Liberal Democrat Coalition and a fresh faced cabinet of largely untried politicians. Their task is enormous and, whoever you voted for, the need now is to pray for wisdom for all those in charge.
I was intrigued to read in the Times (Saturday 22nd May, Weekend, Page 2, by Mimmi Spencer) that We’ve all gone a bit Lib-Con!

It is not that we necessarily voted for them, just that the new leaders seem to reflect ‘us’ in a new way.
‘You may not even like them very much but it’s possible that, like me, you’ll recognise an unanticipated personal affinity with David Cameron and Nick Clegg and their way of going about things. It’s remarkable to me that here are two men grappling with the nation’s monumental issues, and they’re using my cultural and social signposts, my context, with which to do it…I bet they watched Champion the Wonder Horse and Roobarb and Custard in the holidays and remember the long hot summer of ’76 when the tarmac melted’.
Perhaps it is because Cameron and Clegg don’t come across as political zealots. Their ‘pick’n’mix belief system seems to suit the purpose and be easier for us to identify with.
I discovered that, according to the Times, I am a Cleggeron too.
Lib-Cons crave the good life: champion sustainability, more time with their family, bracing walks in the countryside and talk about giving things up (air travel, carbs) not possessing them. They don’t want to appear as materialistic but want somewhere to grow their own veg. There are trampolines in the garden, ecover washing up-liquid by the sink and aspirations to holiday in a yurt.
Things Cleggerons love –
Organic fairtrade food
Porridge
Bottlegreen elderflower cordial
Eating in
VW Camper vans
Amazon (not ebay)
Ikea(but not actually going there)
Farrow and Ball Paint
Summer Festivals
Cycling
Wii Resort
Charity Fun Runs
‘One Day’ by David Nicholls
Ashes to Ashes
Gap black jeans


As I read this I squirmed, am I really so predictably a Cleggeron? Or is this just a clever description of being British and middle-class and a 30/40 something?
Perhaps we identify with them because it is the first time leading politicians have been in our age range. I know there is the old joke about policemen and doctors looking young but it is a shock to wake up and find that you are older than the chancellor of the exchequer!
One last defining characteristic of a Cleggeron is that they ‘don’t do God- or only for weddings and to shoehorn their kids into the best local state schools’. So, ultimately I am not a Cleggeranything. I do do God, but if reading about modern ideology and lifestyle helps me to understand those around me so that I can reach out whilst speaking their language then I will keep reading.

Picture a world where men could understand what women want. (As I write I’m conjuring up hilarious images of Mel Gibson shaving his legs in the film of the same name!)

Imagine how different life would be- no arguments, flowers every week, sharing of household chores, bathing the kids and more importantly some genuine respect and appreciation for who we are and the important roles we play.

Now, just for a minute put yourself in the blokes shoes. How about if we women could understand what men want! Imagine how different life would be- an evening meal on the table after work, a tidy home, an attractive wife, the kids put to bed and all in time for an early night with enough energy left for some action under the covers. And of course some genuine respect and appreciation for who they are and the important roles they play.

I know these examples are pretty stereotypical but I think you can see where I’m coming from. I guess what I’m trying to say is that what men and women both want isn’t that different.

Both want

• To have some understanding of their needs and desires
• Thoughtfulness with the routines of daily living
• Kindness and support
• Genuine respect
• Appreciation

So how do you ensure both men and women do get what they want within a relationship?

1. Communication-say what you mean, mean what you say and don’t be mean when you say it (Meryl Runion)
2. Neither men nor women are psychic! Ask for what you want
3. Swap shoes for a day- see how it feels from the others perspective
4. Who else can help? Can friends or family assist with any of the needs/wants you have from your partner?
5. You can have your cake and eat it! Decide what you both want, sharpen your negotiations skills and give and take a little. You’re bound to get some of what you want some of the time!

Some of you may know I am studying for an MA in relationship therapy. It is fascinating! Something that is a recurrent phenomena is patterns of behaviour. What is most interesting is that the individuals themselves are often unaware of these patterns. Consequently they are unable to change them.

With this in mind I have some questions to help you identify your own potentially limiting patterns:

What did you learn from your parents about showing love and affection?
Is that how you show your love to your partner now?

What did you learn from your parents about commitment?
Do you show the same or different levels of commitment in your relationship?

In past relationships did you do all the giving?
Is it the same for you now?

In past relationships did you expect your man to make you ‘feel’ loved?
Do you still expect that now?

How do you respond to criticism at work?
Is that response the same in your relationship?

Do you feel previous partners didn’t live up to your expectations?
Does your current partner?

Do you feel a need to be appreciated?
Do you get that affirmation?

These are just a few ideas to get you thinking about your own patterns of thinking and behaviour. Often we keep wanting our partners to be something they are not because we have unfulfilled needs which we unconsciously want them to meet. The trick is to identify our own needs and address them rather than expect our partner to ‘fix’ us.

As Christian women we have the best husband of all – Jesus- he loved us so much that he gave his life for us- awesome or what! For our human husbands that’s a tough act to follow isn’t it? Let’s give them a little room, ask our spiritual husband, Jesus, to help us and work on becoming whole and complete in HIm.

Hi

our women’s group has been called Christian Viewpoint for women for last few years and wondering about changing it? Obviously Activate is one name we’re considering but was wondering what other groups are called?