I love catching up with Michaela Morse-Wolfe every year at our weekend away. She is bubbly, fun and generous, with great stories and wisdom to share. This year, she told me a little about why she seemed a shadow of her former self. I recently got back in touch, and she agreed to share this very relatable, raw, and honest testimony.
“I waited patiently for the Lord, He turned to me and heard my cry.”
Psalm 40:1
Waiting, patience and me are not best friends! It’s slow and dull, and I’m not a fan of either. Another word I’m not keen on is humility?!
However, all these things seem to have been part of God’s plan for me in this season. ‘Season’ is a word I like, mainly because (hopefully) it’s short and will change.
A lot has changed over the last 18 months, some good, some not so. Here’s a summary: I lost a job I had loved for nearly 25 years. Covid, finances, and changes in society meant the preschool I’d run with a friend from our church closed. I started one new job that didn’t last due to their finances. My mum declined and passed away fairly quickly just 2 days before her 89th Birthday. A few months passed and I started another job in a place I knew but a job I did not, and a lot of serving and humility began! Not knowing what you’re doing, being told what to do, a lot of rules, some to my mind unnecessary… another word I’m not a fan of Rules! A daughter got married and another engaged.
It’s been a lot! And I’m not really sure where I am. I don’t feel like I’ve really dealt with anything well or fully. And where is God in all this?
I know He’s in it. My quiet time first thing in the morning is essential and is one constant, even if sometimes not as deep as I think it could/should be. There’s a lot of comparison still… why am I not succeeding like her? Thriving like her? As deep or connected as her? So many thoughts, but God says I am seen, like Hagar, I am known, I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and even amidst the doubts I know these are Truths.
I’ve clung to Psalms, read and reread them, trying to be in God’s Word and not the words of others. As much as I love Christian blogs (!), they’re not me.
Here are some I read and reread: Psalm 23, 37, 91 and 138, 139.
Worship songs have also been powerful: Raise a Hallelujah, You are still God – Philippa Hannah, God is God, and I am not!
Prayer and friends, to connect, pray with and for and for them to stand with me. All essential. That connection is something I want more of, to do life with God in a ‘real’ accountable way. I’ve not cracked much of this, and today was a bad day on the humbling, serving, frustrating front, so what God’s up to, I don’t know! But I need to just ‘Patiently wait on the Lord and Trust in Him’!